Someone you love is ill. You want to help, and you're not sure how.
Guides for partners, family and friends: what to say tonight, what to try this week, and how to keep going yourself.
Free to start. No card needed.
Does this sound familiar?
Open one. This is how the guides help: words you can use tonight.
They cancelled plans again
It's the second time this month, and you'd been looking forward to it. You're disappointed, and they probably feel bad already.
Try saying
- "You sound worn out. I'm sorry. Shall I go on my own, or stay in with you?"
- Later, at a calm moment: "I was sad to miss it. Can we plan something smaller for next week?"
Rather than
"Again?""You were fine this morning."
A relative says they just need to push themselves
Someone in the family says it's laziness, or that more effort would sort it out. The person with fibromyalgia may be in earshot.
Try saying
- "It's a real illness. Pushing harder usually makes it worse. They're doing what they can."
Rather than
Saying nothing.Turning it into a row they then have to manage.
I'm angry, and then I feel guilty
You're angry at the illness, at the cancelled plans, sometimes at them. Then you feel terrible.
Try saying
- To yourself: "This is hard, and I'm allowed to find it hard."
- To someone else: "I'm struggling a bit. Can we talk?"
Rather than
Pretending you're fine until it comes out sideways.
For the people around them
Partners, parents, grown-up children, brothers, sisters and friends. You don't need to know anything about the illness to start, and you never have to tell us anything about the person you support.
Choose a guide
Supporting someone with fibromyalgia
Know what to say tonight. Have a plan together in four weeks.
Fibromyalgia →Supporting someone with endometriosis
Know what to say tonight. Talk about pain, sex and the future together in four weeks.
Endometriosis →Supporting someone with rheumatoid arthritis
Know what to say tonight. Have a plan together for fatigue and flares in four weeks.
Rheumatoid arthritis →Supporting someone with polymyalgia rheumatica (PMR)
Know the warning signs today. Have a plan together for the steroid years in four weeks.
PMR →Supporting someone with ME/CFS or long COVID
Know what to say tonight. Have a pacing and crash plan together in four weeks.
ME/CFS and long COVID →Supporting someone with lupus
Know what to say tonight. Have a plan together for fatigue, sun and flares in four weeks.
Lupus →See what a session is like
A few minutes, plain words, with captions. This is the free session on the one skill that helps most.
From the fibromyalgia guide
Three ways in, whatever kind of day it is
Right now
A hard moment is happening. Open the card and read what to say and what to do.
This week
One short session with a video and one thing to try together.
Look it up
Straight answers to the questions families ask, with the sources.
Why you can rely on it
- Every claim is checked against medical guidelines and published research, and the sources are listed.
- Each guide has a review date, and we correct any error you report that we confirm.
- Written for families, not for patients or doctors: plain words, short pages, real situations.
- We never ask about the person you support, and we don't use advertising trackers.
Start free
In every guide the start, two sessions on what to say, several situation cards and questions, and one card to print are free. No payment details needed.
Start freeOne payment, no subscription
A guide costs €29 for you, or €49 with four extra logins for the family, short videos to share, a read-aloud story for children and letter templates. Yours to keep.
See prices
Start with the free part
Pick the illness, read the first sessions and cards, and see if it helps. Pay only if you want the rest.